EUA

Oh the pain of dating someone who is emotionally unavailable.  They are evasive, make excuses, or are just plain inept when it comes to talking about feelings or the relationship.  The confusing part of being attracted to unavailable, commitment-phobic people is that the emotional or sexual chemistry can feel so strong that you accept behavior you would never tolerate in friends.  The person can be charming, thoughtful and caring…yet seems more than a little emotionally unavailable.

Here are 6 signs of the emotionally unavailable:

1.       EXCUSES, EXCUSES

 A solid sign that the person you are dating is emotionally unavailable is having an excuse for everything.  There is always an explanation for not doing something that could even be remotely considered intimate, as in adding you as a friend on Facebook.

2.       Where For Art Thou Boy/Girl Friend?

 Another sign that the person you are dating is unavailable is their lack of availability – text you  instead of calling, calls and never leaves a voicemail, or disappears for days or weeks with no excuse other than they were “busy” to explain away the Houdini act.  You should take this as a huge red flag!

3.       Person of Mystery

Have you been dating for a few months and STILL don’t know many intimate details of their life?  This means that they have no interest in being close to you.  If this sounds all too familiar, run don’t walk to the nearest exit.

4.       ME, ME, ME

When you manage to be with your date – is it always on their terms and is it usually to serve their basic primal needs.  Are you given just enough to make sure that you can be called up and ordered like take-out Thai food.  If the other person sets the tone and pace of the relationship then you are dating someone who isn’t there emotionally. They are the driver and you are the passenger.  Find a different mode of emotional transportation.

5.       They are weird about you staying over

Whenever you hang out, is it always at your house?  Mine brought his overnight necessities and then at the last minute remembered he forgot his sleeping medicine….This is an indication that they can leave whenever they want – talk about emotionally unavailable. 

6.       What Friends?

Finally you have caught on after months of dating that you are NOT going to meet his friends, nor is he going to meet your friends.  Mine told me he had better things to do than to hang out with me and my friends.  WOW – now that is unavailability at its finest.

Often people who find themselves caught up in a relationship with an emotionally unavailable person have low self-esteem, believing that they are not deserving of someone who is emotionally vested in the relationship.  Don’t be willing to ‘settle’ when you are dating, but be firm in your values and needs.  Remember that you teach others what is acceptable behavior for them to be honored with your presence and essence.