Oh the pain of dating someone who is emotionally
unavailable. They are evasive, make
excuses, or are just plain inept when it comes to talking about feelings or the
relationship. The confusing part of
being attracted to unavailable, commitment-phobic people is that the emotional
or sexual chemistry can feel so strong that you accept behavior you would never
tolerate in friends. The person can be
charming, thoughtful and caring…yet seems more than a little emotionally
unavailable.
Here are 6 signs of the emotionally unavailable:
1. EXCUSES, EXCUSES
A solid sign that the person you are dating
is emotionally unavailable is having an excuse for everything. There is always an explanation for not doing something
that could even be remotely considered intimate, as in adding you as a friend
on Facebook.
2. Where For Art Thou Boy/Girl Friend?
Another
sign that the person you are dating is unavailable is their lack of
availability – text you instead of
calling, calls and never leaves a voicemail, or disappears for days or weeks
with no excuse other than they were “busy” to explain away the Houdini
act. You should take this as a huge red
flag!
3. Person of Mystery
Have you been dating for a few months and
STILL don’t know many intimate details of their life? This means that they have no interest in
being close to you. If this sounds all
too familiar, run don’t walk to the nearest exit.
4. ME, ME, ME
When you manage to be with your date – is
it always on their terms and is it usually to serve their basic primal needs. Are you given just enough to make sure that
you can be called up and ordered like take-out Thai food. If the other person sets the tone and pace of
the relationship then you are dating someone who isn’t there emotionally. They
are the driver and you are the passenger.
Find a different mode of emotional transportation.
5. They are weird about you staying over
Whenever you hang out, is it always at your
house? Mine brought his overnight necessities
and then at the last minute remembered he forgot his sleeping medicine….This is
an indication that they can leave whenever they want – talk about emotionally
unavailable.
6. What Friends?
Finally you have caught on after months of
dating that you are NOT going
to meet his friends, nor is he going to meet your friends. Mine told me he had better things to do than
to hang out with me and my friends. WOW
– now that is unavailability at its finest.
Often people who find themselves caught up in a relationship
with an emotionally unavailable person have low self-esteem, believing that
they are not deserving of someone who is emotionally vested in the relationship. Don’t be willing to ‘settle’ when you are
dating, but be firm in your values and needs. Remember that you teach others what is acceptable
behavior for them to be honored with your presence and essence.
