So, my dear friend, you find yourself back on the dating
scene, AGAIN! Well, according to a study by psychologist
Arthur Aron (and others) the intimacy between two strangers can be accelerated
by asking each other a specific series of personal questions. The 36 questions in the study are broken into
three sets, with each set intended to be more probing than the previous one.
The study is based upon the idea that mutual vulnerability
fosters closeness. Allowing oneself to
be vulnerable with another person can be daunting, so this exercise forces the
issue. The final task of the exercise is
to stare into each other’s eyes for four minutes. This quiz will gradually enter intimate
territory, a process that can typically take weeks or months, or for the
emotionally unavailable – NEVER.
Each of us has a condensed narrative of ourselves that we
offer up to strangers and acquaintances, but these questions make it impossible
to rely on that narrative. This quiz
focuses on creating interpersonal closeness and encourages “self-expansion” or
ways to incorporate others into our sense of self. It also fosters identifying certain qualities
belonging to one person that are explicitly valuable to the other. Two people are engaged in thoughtfully complimenting
one another vs attempting to look for flaws.
The final step of staring into one another’s eyes can seem
uncomfortable until you realize you are seeing a reflection of yourself in
their eyes – a reflection of love and happiness.
If the person you choose for this exercise is open minded –
then they are open to a relationship. If
that person responds with a negative – then they are emotionally unavailable
and you need to continue searching for someone that is willing to
participate. The ending result just
might be that you find the love of your life……..
