Falling In Love

So, my dear friend, you find yourself back on the dating scene, AGAIN!  Well, according to a study by psychologist Arthur Aron (and others) the intimacy between two strangers can be accelerated by asking each other a specific series of personal questions.  The 36 questions in the study are broken into three sets, with each set intended to be more probing than the previous one.

The study is based upon the idea that mutual vulnerability fosters closeness.  Allowing oneself to be vulnerable with another person can be daunting, so this exercise forces the issue.  The final task of the exercise is to stare into each other’s eyes for four minutes.  This quiz will gradually enter intimate territory, a process that can typically take weeks or months, or for the emotionally unavailable – NEVER.

Each of us has a condensed narrative of ourselves that we offer up to strangers and acquaintances, but these questions make it impossible to rely on that narrative.  This quiz focuses on creating interpersonal closeness and encourages “self-expansion” or ways to incorporate others into our sense of self.  It also fosters identifying certain qualities belonging to one person that are explicitly valuable to the other.  Two people are engaged in thoughtfully complimenting one another vs attempting to look for flaws.

The final step of staring into one another’s eyes can seem uncomfortable until you realize you are seeing a reflection of yourself in their eyes – a reflection of love and happiness.

If the person you choose for this exercise is open minded – then they are open to a relationship.  If that person responds with a negative – then they are emotionally unavailable and you need to continue searching for someone that is willing to participate.  The ending result just might be that you find the love of your life……..