“Ask for what you want, and be prepared to get it.” Maya Angelou
Here are some
tips:
1. Be assertive
and direct vs demure and unsure
When ordering at a restaurant, do you say, "I’d like the grilled chicken” vs “Could I have the grilled chicken?" What's the difference? The first way is assertive and direct while the second way of asking is demure and unsure; it's as if you're asking for permission. In the future, if you want something -- whether it's a raise at work or to have more sex at home -- then say it with confidence!
When ordering at a restaurant, do you say, "I’d like the grilled chicken” vs “Could I have the grilled chicken?" What's the difference? The first way is assertive and direct while the second way of asking is demure and unsure; it's as if you're asking for permission. In the future, if you want something -- whether it's a raise at work or to have more sex at home -- then say it with confidence!
2. Speak Up --
But Don't Engage in "Up speak"
Up speak is a rising intonation at the end of a sentence. Using up speak essentially turns every sentence into a question. Popularized by California teenage girls (a.k.a. "Valley Girls") in the 1980s, this cutesy yet annoying way of speaking still exists today. Surprisingly, it has made its way into an older generation of women. Don’t be guilty of making a good and solid point only to up speak causing your words to sound uncertain. So, next time you're making a strong point, listen to yourself. Make sure your voice is reflecting your inner strength.
Up speak is a rising intonation at the end of a sentence. Using up speak essentially turns every sentence into a question. Popularized by California teenage girls (a.k.a. "Valley Girls") in the 1980s, this cutesy yet annoying way of speaking still exists today. Surprisingly, it has made its way into an older generation of women. Don’t be guilty of making a good and solid point only to up speak causing your words to sound uncertain. So, next time you're making a strong point, listen to yourself. Make sure your voice is reflecting your inner strength.
3. Grow a Pair!
Whether we're talking about testicles or breasts, you've got to grow a pair! Use assertive language and stand up for yourself. Don’t allow your audience to intimate your knowledge. Channel your inner goddess to access your core strength to advocate for yourself. Take out words that imply inferiority such as "just" or "only" (i.e. "It's just an idea" or "I'm only an assistant") and use more assertive language (i.e. "I have a great idea" or "I'm a well-qualified assistant"). Pay attention to the volume of your voice. Are you talking in a low tone so that others can't hear you and don't take you seriously? Raise your volume and make your points loudly and clearly.
Whether we're talking about testicles or breasts, you've got to grow a pair! Use assertive language and stand up for yourself. Don’t allow your audience to intimate your knowledge. Channel your inner goddess to access your core strength to advocate for yourself. Take out words that imply inferiority such as "just" or "only" (i.e. "It's just an idea" or "I'm only an assistant") and use more assertive language (i.e. "I have a great idea" or "I'm a well-qualified assistant"). Pay attention to the volume of your voice. Are you talking in a low tone so that others can't hear you and don't take you seriously? Raise your volume and make your points loudly and clearly.
4. Don't Beat
Around the Bush
Bushes are for landscaping, but when it comes to conversations, women tend to beat around them more than men. Women attempt to protect others' feelings, and in doing so often come across as being indirect. Don’t add on qualifiers at the beginning of sentences i.e. "I know you've probably thought of this idea before, but..." or "I was wondering if maybe you might have time to..." Many women fear coming across as too aggressive or bitchy if they are direct. Adopt a tone of voice that is serious yet not defensive or punitive, then you will be heard.
Bushes are for landscaping, but when it comes to conversations, women tend to beat around them more than men. Women attempt to protect others' feelings, and in doing so often come across as being indirect. Don’t add on qualifiers at the beginning of sentences i.e. "I know you've probably thought of this idea before, but..." or "I was wondering if maybe you might have time to..." Many women fear coming across as too aggressive or bitchy if they are direct. Adopt a tone of voice that is serious yet not defensive or punitive, then you will be heard.
5. Stop
Apologizing Needlessly
Women have a tendency to apologize more than men. A heartfelt apology is great when there is something to truly be remorseful about, however many women have developed a habit of apologizing. They apologize when they are trying to move past someone on the sidewalk (instead of saying, "Excuse me"), and even apologize when someone bumps into them. They apologize for making a point in a meeting that is not in agreement with another point ("I'm sorry, but I just don't agree!"), or asking for something they want ("I'm sorry, but could you please tell me the time?").
Women have a tendency to apologize more than men. A heartfelt apology is great when there is something to truly be remorseful about, however many women have developed a habit of apologizing. They apologize when they are trying to move past someone on the sidewalk (instead of saying, "Excuse me"), and even apologize when someone bumps into them. They apologize for making a point in a meeting that is not in agreement with another point ("I'm sorry, but I just don't agree!"), or asking for something they want ("I'm sorry, but could you please tell me the time?").
This habit of
over-apologizing undermines a woman's credibility and confidence. The next time
you want something, don't apologize for it -- just ask!
Use your voice. You don’t embark on a quest for your voice just for the sake of beauty — a noble pursuit, but it’s not enough. You must use your voice to express yourself, to help others, to change the world:
Simplicity vs Complicated.
Minimal vs Consumer
Content vs Discontent
People are internally motivated by four needs: to live, to love, to learn and to leave a
legacy. When they overlap, you have
voice-your calling, your soul’s code.
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